A few months ago “Mark” a very straight male friend of mine urgently called me. He needed to meet right away for coffee which is unusual because he never needs to talk about anything nor does he particularly like coffee.
When Mark arrived he was filled with anxious energy and looked like he was about to burst. We sat down with our iced lattes and I waited patiently for him to get around to the reason for calling this little meeting. We however sat there for about 5 minutes in silence. I finally decided it was up to me to get to the bottom of things. So I asked him what was up and took a big sip of coffee waiting for his response. Without skipping a beat, he replied “I blew a dude at the gym yesterday!” My shock resulted in a real life spit take all over the table.
As it turns out this experience had messed with his head to the point that, as far as he was concerned, his very identity was in jeopardy. I spent the next 20 minutes listening to him go on and on about the possibility that he might be gay, but also how he is not attracted to guys, about that he can’t decide if he wants it to ever happen again, etc. I never really got to say much more than the standard “one encounter with a dude does not make you gay” comment.
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In the end Mark decided he had to go see his girlfriend and have sex with her immediately. It was the only way to prove he was still straight. I told him it seemed as good a reason as any to go forth and fornicate. I then warned him not to mention what had happened to his girlfriend just yet or maybe never. He agreed but apparently did not follow my advice.
>Being a curious gay guy, a writer, and also a student of human nature, I was left with a million questions after my conversation with Mark. Just how common is this experience? Do many straight men experiment like this at some point? (All that stuff that happened when you were 15 and confused doesn’t count.) Have all the straight man turned gay videos online been real? I had to know.
A quick Google search introduced me to the term “Brojob” a catchall term for sex, especially oral sex, between two or more men where one or more of the participants considers themselves to be exclusively heterosexual. My mind was blown! This is apparently so common that a term needed to be coined. Rejoice my gay friends the days of straight guys kicking our ass over giving head are over! Even they are suckling weenies down like a fat kid at a 4th of July BBQ. This seems too good to be true. I decided to do some research.
I turned to the two places every gay man can always count on for the answers to our problems, Grindr and Craigslist. I was in search of straight men willing to tell me about being a very naughty bro from time to time. I expected that I might have a hard time finding straight dudes willing to admit or talk about having sex with other men. It seemed, in my head at least, that if men identified as straight they may be uncomfortable talking about such things. I was sort of wrong. Within minutes of posting advertisements in each venue my mail boxes were overflowing with respondents.
It seems an entire brojob community exist and is in desperate need to have their story told. So many men out there seemed to be looking for an outlet, for someone who was willing to listen, someone to tell their story. It seemed as though the masses wanted to confess their deep dark secrets so long as no one could identify them. I eventually narrowed my list of men down to seven and set up times to meet. Here are the stories of my favorite three respondents.
My first subject “Victor” agreed to meet me so long as it was not in public and also not at my house. We finally agreed to meet in the recreation room at my apartment complex after I assured him we would have the space to ourselves. I found arranging my meeting with Victor to me rather perplexing but also indicative of what every one of these arrangements would be like.
So on a very hot and sunny Las Vegas afternoon I waited in the mostly air-conditioned rec room for Victor to arrive. He was almost an hour late. I was about to leave when a rather nervous, skinny, and somewhat good looking middle-aged man peeked his head into the room. I shook his hand noticing he was somewhat trembling. I immediately felt compassion for what he must have been going through and the courage he must have had to summon to show up.
As it turns out Victor is a married father of two who has been with his wife for over fifteen years. He works as a bartender. He identifies as exclusively heterosexual but admits to having sex with men for the last five years. He told me it started for him one day while he was watching an adult film with his girlfriend. He says they watch these films together often as a prelude to love making. He said one day he and his wife accidently downloaded a bisexual film featuring two men and one woman. He said he was repulsed at first, but continued to watch because his wife found it exciting. He admitted that after a while so did he. He told me the images in that video, especially seeing the very large members on the male actors, started his entire desire to perform oral sex on a man.
As it turns out he did not have to wait long. He said the opportunity to fulfil his new fantasy presented itself soon after. Victor says he has been with over 100 men since that first encounter. He says at first it started out as just oral sex without reciprocation. “It was just going to be to find out what one would feel like in my mouth.” He said. He now admits “Once I had my first one I knew I would never stop. I also knew I needed to experience more than just oral sex.” Victor now regularly engages in anonymous encounters he arranges online and tells me he will continue to do so. His wife does not know about his extra marital activity.
My second respondent in contrast to Victor was a lot less guarded and actually may have been the most well-adjusted of the three. His name was “Justin” and he works as a mechanic in a wealthy suburb of Chicago. He is 24 years old. He was visiting Las Vegas with his family and agreed to meet me in a Starbucks on the strip “so long as it was not the one in the hotel where he was staying.”
When Justin arrived I was taken back by his physical presence. He was a husky football player type with a beard, a backwards cap, and a black Harley-Davidson t-shirt. I asked him if he rode bikes and then had to sit through 10 minutes of motorcycle pictures. As with any health gay guy this spawned the question in my mind as to if he had sex with any of his biker buddies. He said he had not but that he would if the opportunity arose.
Justin claims to have had several girlfriends but can’t imagine getting married because as he says he will never find a woman he loves as much as his bike. He has a daughter that he “loves like crazy” but who he only gets to see on the weekends. He says he has only been sexually active for three years as he wanted to wait to meet the right woman. As he puts it “I always wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I was willing to wait till she came along. But when she did … she was a he.” He tells me he lost his virginity to his best friend one night when they had polished off a bottle of tequila. “We are both straight, we love each other, and that has taken on a physical form. I can’t explain that.” He and his best friend have had sex on and off ever since. The only time they do not meet up is when one of them are dating a girl which Justin says is most of the time.
I asked Justin if his friend was the only man he had been with. He told me he had been with about six women and four men in his life. He said that “as far as men go “I mostly just want to get some.” I want them to touch me. It’s about getting off!” also “If I want to feel love or tenderness I will get a girl for that. Guys are just to dump with.” I reminded him about saying he loved with best friend. “That’s Different! He replied with a smile.
Lastly, I met with Seth a 50-year-old Poker Dealer who says he “gave his first Brojob only 3 months ago.” Yes, he used the term Brojob and I love him for it. Seth is in amazing shape for man of his age. He says he works out every day.
He started our interview before I had a chance to ask him anything by telling me his wife of 20 years passed last year. He showed me several pictures of her and they seemed very happy together. He admitted he could never love another woman as much as he loved her.
Seth told me he spent his entire life without ever having even a passing thought about a man or homosexual activity. He said he had known some “gays” but never even entertained the idea that they might like him. “It was not on his radar.” Then during what he described as a very lonely day while hanging out with a twenty-seven-year-old friend of his from work. They were talking about some woman that they worked with. His friend became noticeably excited in his pants. “I don’t know what came over me.” Seth said “Next thing I know I am down on my knees.” I kept thinking “I could not believe what I was doing.” He says “It was the most terrifying and exciting thing he had ever done.”
In the three months that have passed Seth admits that he has met younger men online about nine times but says “he is almost through experimenting.” He plans on finding a woman to spend time with soon. He assures me “This is just something he had not realized was on my bucket list, but I am glad it was.”
In meeting these men, I am struck by how dismissive they seem to be about their same sex partners but also about how happy they seem when they talk about the encounters. I am left to wonder if the dismissieness is a defense mechanism to help protect their fragile heterosexual identity.
I am also left wondering how the idea of sexual labels seems so outdated. Does it really matter what we call ourselves? Could it be we are just complex creatures able to find varying degrees of love and or pleasure with each other regardless of sex or sexual orientation? I know that as I have grown older my own labels have become less important. I know what I like, and during my lifetime that has come in many shapes, sizes, colors, and sexes.
About my straight friend Mark. His girlfriend broke up with him that afternoon. She was unable to accept that her boyfriend had performed oral sex on another man. I sent her a Facebook message to see if she would meet with me for this article. She declined, but did submit a statement to me in her defense. It seems she was mainly worried that her friends would find out and think that her boyfriend was gay. I guess for her and people like her labels are important.
Please note: All of the names in this article have been changed to protect the identities of those who were so kind to share so openly. Also some details have been changed in order to further protect the participants.
Shawn J. Shoulders is an Actor, Comedian, and Lifestyle Expert who has spent many years learning about his fellow humans for the sake of his art. He has spent years in the pursuit of truth about the human condition and comprised a vast database of information neatly stored in his brain. The majority of this information is uniquely suited for trivia competitions and drunken bar conversations.
Shawn J. Shoulders is a regular contributor to Screwy Monkey.