8 Manly Drinks To Order On Your Next Trip To The Gay Bar

8 Manly Drinks To Order on Your Next Trip To The Gay Bar

BY: Shawn J. Shoulders

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Its Friday night and you just ended your week of crawling into holes and blowing things up, or building tall buildings with your bare hands, or some other equally cliché masculine job, and boy are you thirsty. All you want to do it head to the gay bar for a big stiff one. The manlier the better! You want something that after one big swallow will start your weekend off with a bang. That’s right you want what every man wants and need to relax, a big cocktail!

Personally, as a middle aged gay guy who is allergic to physical labor I am not even going to pretend to know what it like to have a mannish 9 to 5, but I know that when I head to the gay bar I sure want to pretend that I have been slaving away all week behind something other than a keyboard.

Here are eight very masculine drinks that will make you sound like you are all man at the gar bar, or at least will give you something to giggle about with your friends.

Bring on the booze!

1. Snakebite

A snakebite is an alcoholic drink made with equal parts of lager and cider.

This drink also goes by the name diesel which is enough to give it a 10 on the man scale. In addition, the delicious possibilities for jokes about being bitten while playing with a big snake are just too good to resist.

A stronger variant involves the addition of a shot of vodka, known as a turbo diesel which just sounds like slang for power bottom to me!

 

2. Bloody Bull

For some of us the weekend is not officially started until we have gotten a little beef in us. This drink sounds like a straight dude is ordering a raw steak or talking about his girlfriend one week a month. I assure you this drink tastes better than either one.

Combine vodka, tomato juice, beef bouillon, horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco Sauce, pepper, lemon juice, and celery salt in a shaker over ice, and roll gently to blend. Strain over ice into a highball glass. Garnish with a wedge each of lemon and lime. If you are hungry, add a tender celery stalk.

By the way it’s basically a bloody mary with a bullion cube so it should be kick ass for a hangover as well.

 

3. Stinger

Although this drink sounds like what your well-hung boyfriend might give you it’s actually a classic from the 1950’s and 1960’s. A stinger is a duo cocktail made by adding crème de menthe to a spirit.

According to Wikipedia during the heyday of its popularity, the classic stinger was considered an ideal “nightcap” for a night out in New York City.

You know what they say you haven’t had a stinger till you have gotten one in NYC!

 

4. Screwdriver

Not that every damn person on the planet has not already had one of these, and it is not new or novel, but damn it’s named after a tool! That makes it a manly cocktail if I have ever known one.

If you need a recipe I just can’t help you any further. 

 

5. Manly Temple

This one is only manly because it has the word manly in it title, other than that it’s a shirley temple with whisky added. Which makes this drink the gayest cocktail on this list but also the most masculine. It’s like picking up that guy in the corner carrying the purse and discovering he is 100% top. Your welcome!

 

6. Greyhound

A greyhound is a cocktail consisting of grapefruit juice and either gin or vodka mixed and served over ice.

This is the perfect drink to order for that guy from last weekend who could go really fast but only for short periods of time. Add some salt to it and you have a Salty Dog you can make your own joke here as I will lose advertisers if I make mine.

 

7. Godfather

The Godfather is a duo made of equal parts Scotch whisky and amaretto. Typically, the drink is served on the rocks in an old fashioned glass.

No one really knows how this drink got it name but the amaretto brand Disaronno claims the drink was the favorite cocktail of American actor Marlon Brando, known for playing the titular character in the popular American film adaptation of Mario Puzo’s The Godfather, which prominently features the Italian mob.

I just think it sounds awesome to order and it is also fitting if you have daddy issues and well who doesn’t!

 

8. Rusty Nail

A Rusty Nail is made by mixing Drambuie and Scotch whisky. A rusty nail can be served in an old-fashioned glass on the rocks, neat, or “up” in a stemmed glass. It is most commonly served over ice. A rusty nail served without ice is sometimes called a straight up nail and who couldn’t use one of those!

Anyway, this drink is sure to get you hammered and as a result maybe even nailed, and if not you can still claim you were! Honestly let’s just hope he is not rusty for real.

Shawn J. Shoulders

Shawn J. Shoulders is an Actor, Comedian, and Lifestyle Expert who has spent many years learning about his fellow humans for the sake of his art. He has spent years in the pursuit of truth about the human condition and comprised a vast database of information neatly stored in his brain. The majority of this information is uniquely suited for trivia competitions and drunken bar conversations. Shawn J. Shoulders is a regular contributor to Screwy Monkey.

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